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  • Protect Yourself from A Control Drama

    energy-theftWhat is a Control Drama?

    A control drama, as coined by James Redfield in his book, "The Celestine Prophecy," is played by anyone who is feeling low on power or energy, to manipulate and steal the energy of another. Control dramas are unconscious strategies all people use to gain power or energy from another person and to essentially, "get their way with others." We get our way with others by making them pay attention to us and then elicit a certain reaction from them to make ourselves feel fulfilled. The positive feelings we gain are won at the expense of the other person and this often causes imbalance and drama in our interpersonal relationships.

    Most of us have a dominant control drama in which we engage in automatically, without even realizing what we are doing and to what extent and expense. Your need to defend and engage in defensive responses with someone means you are caught in a control drama and you will thus, "react." When you start to become aware of your dominant control drama and can recognize it in action, you can start to hone it and make better choices in your responses to others. Likewise, once you understand how others use control dramas to make you react, you can refrain from engaging in them and move on to more healthy resolution "responses."

    As you learn more about control dramas, you will realize you are already quite familiar with them and this is because you have been exposed to a variety of people throughout your life and have had to test each of them to successfully navigate intense interactions. Most people will resort to the same control drama when feeling tested and are completely unaware of it and how others experience them during these episodes. And with awareness, comes change. Awareness and recognition of a control drama allows you to break the cycle and choose to disconnect from it altogether. When a control drama isn't controlling an interaction, you can "respond" more effectively and authentically to others. You will learn about four common control dramas people use to attract and defeat others. You will also discover there are many effective ways to approach others during difficult interactions. Knowing you have choices during difficult interactions with others, allows you to live a drama free life and helps you find your "conversation peace."

    The Language within a Control Drama Lacks Accountability

    When defensiveness is present in a conversation, it is likely your control drama will start to emerge. People feel the most defensive when messages of evaluation, control, hidden agendas, superiority, guilt, certainty and lack of emotion are present. In other words, these messages cause us to feel anxious or threatened; we don't trust the people around us; we receive messages that we are being evaluated; we receive hints to change your behavior; the messages we receive tend to have a hidden agenda, which is often coupled with guilt; the person/people we interact with act superior; there is a feeling of receiving messages of "certainty" when the speaker is delivering his/her ideas or opinions.

    If you listen carefully to a conversation in the midst of defensiveness, where control dramas have surfaced, you will notice you can often hear and feel excuses being made. Excuses are often disguised and will, more than likely, come in the form of detailed explanations, emotions, denials, accusations, example giving and defensive nonverbal behavior [eye rolling, dramatic sighing]. Of course we all find ourselves engaged in this kind of communication during delicate moments and it is quite normal to choose to respond this way when we are feeling defensive. However, these forms of "excuse making," keep the issue/problem unresolved, active and "on the table." In other words, an Excuse = Blaming. When you don't take ownership for an issue, whether you are right or wrong, then the issue and the control drama remain active.

    Communicating with Accountability Stops an Active Control Drama

    Assertive communication contains a tone of accountability and puts the issue/problem in the "past." In other words Accountability = Ownership. Ownership stops the blame game and stifles control dramas. It is noteworthy to mention here that control dramas are also present in mindless gossip about others. When we talk about other people, even when they are not present, we tend to allow defensiveness back into the conversation. If you pay close attention to gossip, you will hear messages that contain opinions, emotions, judgments and blame moving to the forefront of the conversation and this allows conflict to stay active or even worse, it adds fuel to the drama.

    How to Communicate with an Accountable and Drama Free Message

    Below are the components needed when constructing an accountable and drama free message. If these components are present in your message to another during a difficult conversation, the conversation will be more balanced and thus more effective. You will then be able to, more readily, put the issue in the "past."

    P - Be sure to include a Polite and Professional introduction and maintain this tone throughout the interaction. "I hope this email finds you well. I have been thinking about you since our last interaction." A - Be willing to Apologize for anything in which you are responsible, verbally Agree with one or more of their talking points, and find a quality or behavior of theirs you can Appreciate and Admire it aloud. "I have come to realize it was wrong of me to talk poorly about our work processes to anyone other than our team and I apologize for doing so. Please know I realize how much time you put into these projects and appreciate your hard work." S - Tell them how you intend to/plan to Solve the issue at hand or ask them directly what can be done to resolve it. "Next time I will..." "How would you like me to handle discrepancies with our work orders as we move forward?" T - Thank them for the opportunity to meet/communicate and Target a positive interpersonal message. "Thank you for hearing me out; I am glad we discussed this issue because I enjoy working with you and want us to be on the same page."

    Common Feelings and Needs

    Most people have the same basic desire to get along with others and live a drama free life. Knowing this we can choose to communicate with others on a basic human level pertaining to our needs. One's personal truth can be most easily recognized as a feeling. Your feelings can directly help you define and understand your needs. When you choose to interact with others from an authentic place, you choose to openly express your feelings and your needs with them. In other words, you choose to be accountable and responsible for your intentions, requests, actions and words.

    You can choose to use a feeling/need sequence when resistance presents itself in a conversation. Most people are inspired to find resolution when mutual understanding is present. Mutual understanding is created when open expression, where each person shares his/her true feelings and needs [intentions], is included. People feel the most supported and non-defensive when messages are solution oriented and spontaneous, rather than premeditated. In other words, supportive messages cause us to feel equal, respected, understood, and accepted for who we are and how we experience the world around us.

    How to Directly Apply a Feeling/Need Sequence

    Learn to Say No with a Feeling/Need Sequence

    Acknowledge the other's Feelings, "I can see you are excited about your new job selling insurance and that it is going well for you..." State Your Position, "I am happy with my current insurance provider and am not interested in changing providers at this time." Say No, "So thank you so much for thinking of me and no, I am not interested in purchasing insurance from you right now."

    Manage Disruptive Behavior with a Feeling/Need Sequence

    "I am feeling overwhelmed because everyone seems to be talking at once and I need you to hear what I am saying so we all understand the task before us."

    Respond to Emotions with a Feeling/Need Sequence

    "So you are feeling anxious about the move and need to know more about how it will be conducted?"

    Offer Praise with a Feeling/Need Sequence

    Tell the person what they did specifically, how it made you feel and what need it met for you: "I noticed you traded toys with your sister and it made me feel very proud of you because we value sharing in this family."

    Solve a Problem with a Feeling/Need Sequence

    "Can we back up for a minute? I feel confused about what we are doing and need to understand it from a big picture point of view first."

    Respond to another's Anger with a Feeling/Need Sequence

    "I can see you are feeling deceived and need to know what was specifically said in your absence."

    Compromise with a Feeling/Need Sequence

    "I am feeling stuck on this issue and need to know you are committed to attending these meetings. Can you agree to email me when you know you are going to be absent?"

    Ask for What You Want with a Feeling/Need Sequence

    "I feel confident about my decision to change jobs and need to know what you need to make this work for our family."

    Exercise: They Say Hindsight is 20/20

    Create a list containing the names of your closest family members and friends. After each name, write the first few words [adjectives or action verbs] that come to mind when you think of this person. Next, describe how you feel around them during tense interactions. Do you have a name you call him/her behind his/her back, such as "drama lama" or "drill sergeant?" This could be a good indicator of how you experience them in general. Note who you feel the most comfortable and uncomfortable around, when having to visit for longer periods of time. Hindsight may be 20/20!

    written by: Dr. Jody Janati. Jody currently teaches in the Communication Studies Department at the University of Minnesota. She has an Ed.D. degree in Organizational Leadership and her primary interest area pertains to interpersonal conflict resolution strategies.

  • Music Makes Meditation Sessions More Effective

    musicSometimes, you need a little time for yourself and take a break from all the stresses that life throws at you. In these busy times, however, a lot of people find it difficult to take time off from work and create a sense of balance in their lives.

    If you find yourself stressed and on the brink of burnout, consider doing meditation. Regular meditation sessions can greatly reduce feelings of stress by surrounding you with an atmosphere of serenity. For best results, make it a part of your daily life.

    Meditation is very easy to practice. You just need to set aside a few minutes a day and find a quiet spot to meditate in.

    There are a lot of things you can do to enhance your meditation experience. Listening to music is one of them. Some people find it peaceful and calming to listen to music. A lot of people, however, believe that it’s not possible to meditate while listening to music. This is one of the most common misconceptions about meditation. In fact, listening to music, on its own, can be seen as a form of meditation.

    Studies have shown positive benefits when listening to relaxing music while meditating. It helps quiet the mind and put you in a peaceful mood. It creates a calmer environment that makes meditation practice more effective. When the mind and body are relaxed, meditating becomes a more enjoyable and more fulfilling experience.

    Music is a personal choice. Stay open to the possibility that you can achieve deeper states by listening to whatever kind of music you choose. You will only be able to achieve mindfulness when you enjoy the music you’re listening to.

    If you haven’t tried this yet, then you’re missing out on the magical combination of music and meditation. Try to put on some relaxing new age, meditation music, binaural beats or any type of music you want, and see how it affects your meditative state. If you enjoy a certain type of music, then by all means, practice with it.

  • The Legend of Kuan Yin, Goddess of Mercy

    kuan_yinKuan Yin, commonly known as the Goddess of Mercy, embodies the flame of mercy and compassion. In Eastern mythology, her name means “regarder of sounds”, indicating her ability to listen to the prayers and the cries of the people. Her heart is full of deep compassion and unconditional love.

    Kuan Yin is depicted in many forms, but she is often represented as a beautiful woman in white silk robe with a water jar and a willow branch in her hands. She is a well-known deity, not only in China, but also in countries with numerous Buddhism followers like Malaysia, Japan and Korea. She is one of the most universally beloved and one of the most popular deities of Buddhism.

    Kuan Yin’s role as Buddhist Madonna has been compared to that of Mother Mary. In addition, her names are as numerous as those with Mother Mary. To the people of China, her name is Guanyin. In Korea, she is known as Kannon. Some Taoist scriptures give her the title of Guan Yin Da Shi. Some of you have probably heard of her as Miao Shan, the Chinese princess known for her great compassion. As expected, there are also a myriad of varying stories to tell about Kuan Yin.

    One of the several stories surrounding Kuan Yin is that she chose to remain on Earth to relieve the sufferings of humanity. She was destined to become a Buddha, and has earned the right to leave the world of suffering. But out of compassion for the suffering of others, she turned back when she heard the anguished cries rising from the world. She chose to forego the final state of Buddhahood to help others attain enlightenment.

    Sometimes, Kuan Yin is depicted with a thousand arms and 11 heads. According to the legend, Kuan Yin vowed never to rest until she has freed all sentient beings from sufferings. Realizing how difficult it would be for her to fulfil this goal, Amitabha Buddha gave her 11 heads so it would be easier for her to hear the people’s pleas for help. She was also given a thousand arms to allow here to reach out to all those who needed aid.

  • Prayer Works!

    silhouette-of-woman-with-raised-hands_1150-354Prayer works! Miracles happen every day!  Following is a prayer

    that I say for our country and for every person who lives here!

    Also, I pray for divine guidance and divine assistance for every

    elected and appointed leader in our country and peace for 

    all of us!

    (If you ever feel you need positive affirmative prayer, please

    call For Heaven's Sake Bookstore and ask for an appointment

    with Melodie.  I would enjoy saying a prayer for you to ask

    for divine assistance to manifest whatever it is that you desire.

    In addition, I offer relaxing and balancing energy work which

    some clients have reported offers them more peace.) 

    My Prayer for My Country

    Believing in the Divine destiny of the United States of America and in the preservation of liberty, security, and self-expression for all, I offer this, my prayer for my country:

    I know that Divine Intelligence governs the destiny of the United States of America, directing the thought and the activity of all who guide its affairs.

    I know that success, prosperity, and happiness are the gifts of freedom and are the Divine heritage of everyone in this country.

    I know that success, prosperity, and happiness are now operating in the affairs of every individual in this country.

    I know that Divine guidance enlightens the collective mind of the people of this country, causing it to know that economic security may come to all without the loss of either personal freedom or individual self-expression.

    I know that no one can believe or be led to believe that freedom must be surrendered in order to insure economic security for all.

    The All-Knowing Mind contains the answer to every problem which confronts this country. I know that every leader in this country is now directed by this All- Knowing Mind and has the knowledge of a complete solution to every problem. Each is compelled to act upon this knowledge to the end that abundance, security, and peace shall come to all.

    And I know that this spiritual democracy shall endure, guaranteeing to everyone in this country personal liberty, happiness, and self-expression.

    -  written by Ernest Holmes

        From The Science of Mind Archives

  • Crystal Allies That Will Give You a More Restful Sleep

    crystal-alliesAre you having trouble sleeping at night? Do you find yourself tossing and turning all night that you go to work with barely any sleep? You’re not alone. In fact, studies show that roughly 60 million Americans suffer from sleeping problems.

    Poor sleep can make life a misery. It can blight lives and ruin health. The good news is that, you don’t have to resort to taking sleeping aids to get a good night’s sleep. Crystals can help you do that.

    Use these crystals for a more restful sleep.

    Moonstone

    This crystal has long been used to cure sleeplessness. Place a moonstone under your pillow if your insomnia is due to emotional stress. Moonstone has a calming effect and will help ease the emotional distress that is keeping you awake.

    Clear quartz

    Quartz crystal is excellent for an unsettled mind. It provides a calming influence on an otherwise chaotic mind. It also helps get rid of negative energy so you’ll have pleasant dreams while you sleep. It can also amplify the vividity of your dreams and memory recall upon waking up.

    Amethyst

    Amethyst is often used to relieve stress and tension, which are the most common causes of insomnia. This lovely stone soothes the conscious mind and provide a sense of calm for the body, making it possible to enjoy a restful sleep.

    Hematite

    Hematite is a great crystal for people who struggle to sleep or stay asleep at night. It calms both the mind and the body. If you can’t sleep because the pain in your leg is bothering you, just place this crystal near your body or under your pillow and it will help ease the pain. Hematite also transmutes negative energy into positive energy, making it easier for you to sleep even if something is bothering you.

  • Largest, Brightest Supermoon to Grace Earth’s Skies on Nov. 14

    supermoon-nov-14What is a supermoon?

    The term supermoon is used to describe a moon that appears larger and brighter than usual. It occurs when the moon is at its closest point of approach in its orbit around Earth.

    There are a total 3 supermoons for 2016. The first one already appeared on October 24. The next one is set to rise on November 14, and the last one will rise on Dec. 14.

    If we are to see 3 supermoons in a row this year, some of you might be wondering what makes the November 14 supermoon so special. The supermoon that is set to rise on the 14th of November is not only the biggest and brightest supermoon of the year, it will also be exceptionally close.

    It will be the closest full moon to grace the Earth’s skies since 1948, promising sky-watchers a celestial supermoon spectacle. According to a statement from NASA, it won’t come this close again until 2034. So go ahead and gaze at it or take some photos.

    As long as the sky is clear of clouds, the supermoon is expected to be 30% brighter and 14% larger than an average full moon.

    Wondering when to catch a glimpse? Don’t worry, we got you covered.

    If you live in America, keep an eye out for this full moon on the night of November 13. For those who live in Australia and Asia, the best time to enjoy the supermoon is during the evening hours of November 14. In western North America and on many Pacific islands, the moon turns precisely full in the morning hours before sunrise in November 14. Or better yet, just look both nights.

    No matter where you are in the world, seeing a big, bright full moon is an incredible experience. It will be a sight to behold, so go out and enjoy it.

  • Crystal Color and Its Meaning

    crystalcolorSince the dawn of civilization, stone and crystals have long been recognized for their beauty and spiritual power. As more and more people discover the healing powers of crystals, they have now been a part of their everyday life.

    A lot of people believe that colored stones and crystals are powerful. These crystals can influence our actions, emotions and how we respond to various ideas, things and people.

    In this blog post, we’ll talk about the different colored crystals, their meanings and how they impact our daily lives.

    Orange

    Orange symbolizes endurance and vitality. Orange crystals such as Sunstone, Orange Calcite, Fire Agate and Amber are used to stimulate creativity and mental quickness. It is also beneficial for people who lack self-esteem as it helps promote personal power.

    Pink

    Pin symbolizes love and beauty. Use pink crystals like Pink Sapphire, Pink Tourmaline and Rose Quartz to heal a broken heart, to attract a new love or send love to someone.

    Red

    Red is the color of vitality, courage, confidence and action. Red stones and crystals such as Garnet, Red Coral, and Ruby can be used to stimulate energy and vitality, promote willpower and strengthen the body. You can also use them to relieve feelings of fear or weakness, overcome depression, as well as to show love, passion, and true love.

    Purple

    Purple is a color that is full of passion. It is dramatic and purposeful. It is excellent for dealing with anger and emotional rage.

    Use purple crystals like Charoite, Lepidolite, Flourite and Amethyste, if you want to encourage imagination or when you need to find your passion. You can also use it for meditation and to sharpen psychic awareness.

    Blue

    Blue is the color of harmony, serenity, and peace. It is cool, collected and peaceful. It is excellent for relaxation and alleviating stress and anxiety. Use blue crystals such as Aquamarine, Blue Lace Agate, Celestite and Tanzanite if you need other to trust you or to develop trust. It can also be used for solving family issues.

    Yellow

    Yellow is related to the conscious mind. It is the Light Energy, which causes understanding and discernment of things. Yellow crystals like Yellow Flourite, Honey Calcite, Lemon Quartz and Citrine are best to be used when you want to feel more optimistic about something or someone. It can also be used when you are unclear about your direction in life. Expand your thoughts and be open to changes with yellow.

  • Choosing a Tarot Deck That’s Right for You

    Tarot DeckWe live in world of options. Unlike the good old days when television only received 3 networks and ice cream was only available in 2 flavors, we are now given the chance to choose from a variety of options. For instance, some ice cream parlors offer more than 30 flavors. We also get to choose from about 200 channels. Today, the same can also be said about tarot cards.

    Metaphysical shops usually carry more than a dozen decks of tarot cards. While this gives consumers the freedom to choose, it usually creates confusion. This is especially true for those who are considering getting their first deck of tarot cards.

    So how do you choose a tarot deck that’s right for you? Here are some tips.

    Consider your experience level

    If you are new to tarot, we suggest that you start with the Rider Waite. It is one of the easiest decks to work with. The images are straightforward and it’s easy to understand. Plus, you won’t have a hard time finding books and information for this deck.

    Explore the imagery

    Do you prefer classic, traditional, medieval style imagery? Or do you want to go with more modern decks? Go through the cards and take a good look at each of them. Are you drawn to the images? It has to be pleasing to the eye and suit your personality. Never pick a card that strikes you as boring, unpleasant or odd.

    Look for a connection

    Your friend may have recommended the Rider Waite, but if you don’t feel a connection with the card, then it’s not the right one for you. Find a deck that speaks to you. If a certain deck calls out to you, go with that one.

    Since you’ll be spending a lot of time with your cards, choose a deck that makes you feel comfortable and secure.

    Consider the quality

    If you are planning to use the card on a regular basis, we advise that you invest on a deck that is of good quality. This way, you can ensure that you can continue using them in the future without getting damaged or tearing easily.

  • Best Crystals for Letting Go and Moving Forward

    jewellery-1613801_1280The past can often haunt us. While most people have learned to let go of the past, some people find it difficult to move on. This is especially true for those who are dealing with neglect, abuse, poor childhood or negative feelings. They would push the painful memories into the backmost corner of their mind hoping to forget about them.  Unless you learn to accept and deal with these painful memories they’ll still linger in the back of your head.

    While letting go of our past can be one of the most difficult challenges you will ever face, we believe that crystals can help you release anything that is anchoring you to the past.

    Here are some of the best crystals for letting go and moving forward.

    Blue Lace Agate

    Agate is a popular crystal that comes in a variety of colors. When found in lighter shades of blue, you will find patience, forgiveness, acceptance and recovery. It can help you overcome bitterness and negativity, let go of the past and for starting over.

    Citrine

    Citrine is a powerful purifier of one’s will center. It is an excellent crystal that helps release deep-seated fears, negative feelings, anger and destructive tendencies. This sunny stone encourages you to let go of your fear, past experiences, and self-limiting thoughts so you can move forward optimistically.

    Smokey quartz

    Smokey quartz helps release old, blocked and stagnant energy in your body. It also helps you let go of old belief systems and patterns that are holding you back. This is excellent for stubborn people who refuse to let go of negative emotions.

    Rhodonite

    Whether you’re looking to forgive yourself or someone else, this crystal can help. Rhodonite crystals have a strong heart-based energy. They are known for their capacity to release blocked energy from the within the heart chakra and bring emotional healing.

    Hold the crystal in your hand or your higher heart chakra as you repeat your preferred affirmation. Envision yourself receiving or offering forgiveness.

  • Crystal Grid Basics

    Crystal Grids are an incredibly powerful energy tool to use when manifesting your desires, goals and intentions.


    • Would you like to heal yourself or someone else?
    • Are you looking for meaningful relationships?
    • Would you like to manifest abundance into your life?
    • Would you like to protect your home and other personal areas?
    • Would you like to promote balance, harmony, and wholeness?

    Ashley gives a quick crash course to the basics of designing a crystal grid. Come in to For Heaven's Sake and let us help you create your own design and pick out the best crystals to set your intention and manifest your reality.

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